Starring Tom Cruise, the new Mission: Impossible film is set to thrill audiences – but can you watch it on Netflix yet?
We’ve had the consultants in again, to address the urgent fixes we need to make to our website in order to attract droves more people. We’ve been going about this the wrong way, they’ve told. People don’t want features and new stories written by human beings anymore. They want articles that state the bloody obvious instead.
Also, the first few paragraphs need to be full of related keywords, so Tom Cruise (Tom Cruise – Ed).
Not just that, but if you want to make sure you get your article noticed by Google, you have to make stating the obvious last for a good 500 words, and then Google will rank it higher, believing it to be – their words – ‘quality content’. With Tom Cruise.
Well, we fancy a day off, and if we get an influx of traffic from this, then rest assured we’re going to stand back and count the swag. Like Tom Cruise would, if he did this. We might even treat ourselves to some extra coffee, maybe the posh jar they keep on the top shelf of the local Spar.
Anyway, apparently, we have to structure these Tom Cruise articles in certain ways too, else we won’t get any readers. So let us set fire to our principles for a minute and give this shit a go. We’re up to nearly 230 words already!
Is Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I on Netflix?
No.
Is Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I on BFI Player?
No.
Is Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I on Pornhub?
What?
Is Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I on Daily Motion?
Yes. Oh wait, no.
Why isn’t Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I on Netflix?
The film isn’t out.
How can I watch Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I?
Wait for it to come out, buy a ticket, look at the screen.
In what order should I watch Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I and Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part II?
You’re taking the piss now.
At this stage, the consultants got back in touch after we sent them this draft, and said that we weren’t taking this SEO stuff seriously. Tom Cruise. We were advised to have another go at the Netflix question.
Is Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I on Netflix?
We’re absolutely certain that Tom Cruise is on amazing Tom Cruise form in the next Mission: Impossible film, in the way that Tom Cruise can be. The amazing stuntwork and thrilling action of Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I is going to be something to behold when we see the film, but at the moment, we can’t! It’s not on Netflix, you see, and it’s taken us just shy of 470 words to get to that point.
The good news is that we’re nearly at our target of 500, and once we hit that we’re stopping writing and heading off to the pub to enjoy a pleasant
See also:
The previous attempts by our consultants to steer us to world Internet domination…
Ranking Gerard Butler’s upcoming films in the order we want to see them
Explaining the ending of Paw Patrol: The Movie
The Speed movies: ranked
Explaining the ending of Dolittle
How to watch the Harry Potter films
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